The Sheldon Tales
by flynte
Summary: Sheldon is a changing man, unfortunately. He's doing things he's never done before. Of course, he would've appreciated this newfound penchant for new things had they been in the interest of science. Yet, they weren't. What could be happening!
1. Broken Heart

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. The opening song is "For the First Time" by The Script.**

Enjoy!

* * *

><p><em>She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart. While I'm drinking Jack all alone at my local bar. And I don't know how, how we got into this mad situation. Doing things out of frustration. Trying to make it work but man these times are hard...<em>

Sheldon buried his head in his hands. The song blaring out of the restaurant's sub-par audio system was too close to the truth for comfort. Well, granted he wasn't drinking Jack at a bar (God forbid), but she was really all laid up in bed with a broken heart. He knew. He heard a bed creaking and sniffles.

Sheldon kept thinking. This was completely unlike him. He felt as if he needed to do something to alleviate the situation, or the tension would literally kill him. Maybe this was what Leonard felt on a daily basis. How people could live like this was beyond even his gigantic intellect.

A man with characteristically squinty eyes and tousled hair announced his presence at that moment.

"Sheldon, hey, I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Well, I suppose you've found me. Unfortunately."

"No wait, what's the matter? You seemed fine just a few hours ago."

Leonard's voice was becoming increasingly annoying by the minute.

"As you can see, I continue to be – fine. Now if you will please leave. I have had enough of the pleasure of your company tonight."

"Something's wrong. Come on, tell me. I'm sure you included something about mutual care in our Roommate Contract."

"No, something like _that _would fall under the category of Friendly Intimacy, which has no place in a proper Roommate Contract such as ours."

Leonard tilted his head. "Alright. Fine. I'm leaving. But I just want you to know that I'm always here to listen."

Sheldon scoffed and turned away. "As if I'd ever need your advice on my life."

Leonard sighed, exasperated at his surly friend. "Bye."

The second Leonard left, Sheldon whimpered and started sobbing in earnest.

* * *

><p>"Penny? Penny? Penny!"<p>

A voice floated out from the depths of the apartment. "Ugh...I'm coming."

Then a face, disheveled beyond recognition, appeared.

"What."

"I am truly sorry for what I did. I would do anything, even endeavor to be more socially acceptable around you, if you would forgive me."

Sheldon was trembling awfully, and could feel an unfamiliar hot feeling rising up his cheeks. Unfortunately, Penny just stood there, mouth agape.

"Penny. Are you alright?"

She brusquely shook her head. "Yeah yeah I'm fine. Sweetie, it's not even your fault! It's just that jerk Zack who's been really messing with me lately. I can't be mad at _you_!"

Sheldon's expression brightened exponentially. "Well, that's a relief! You know, I came up with three different hypotheses on why you would be angry with me, and all of them had an equal probability of being correct! It's amazing how social situations can baffle me sometimes. I—"

Penny smiled. "Sheldon, you can stop talking now. The situation is under control. Wanna come in?"

"Sure."

He gamely followed her to the couch

Penny snuggled into his chest. His clean scent was much more comforting than the alcoholic odors of boyfriends past.

However, he was still sitting like a stick, not daring to move a muscle.

"Sheldon. Do you _have _to immobilize yourself every time someone gets near you?"

"I find it an effective method of getting rid of them, actually."

She rolled her eyes.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

Sheldon twitched one side of his mouth. "Well, no...that would be incredibly rude! You're my friend, Penny. If Howard were leaning on me like you're doing so right now..."

"Are you sure you want to go there?"

"...No. Fine." Disregarding her laugh, he continued. "You're a girl, and girls have feelings. I know, because of the extensive research I've conducted on your sex. I also know that hurting said feelings would result in massive outpourings of emotion that I do not feel inclined to respond to at any point of my life."

"Do you ever run out of breath when you're talking?"

"That's ridiculous! I'll have you know that I've mastered the art of breathing regularly."

"That's good. Because if you fainted from lack of breath in the middle of a lecture, I don't think I could survive my own laughing fit."

Looking at Sheldon's quizzical expression, she smiled. "Bazinga."


	2. Hot!

Chapter 2 is here! I'm very sorry it took so long. I could blame it on AP classes, exams, family obligations...but I'll just admit that I was being lazy :( Sorry! Anyway this time I decided to add more action. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.**

* * *

><p>"What's the time, Leonard?"<p>

Leonard looked at his laptop screen.

"8. Why? Usually you tell me."

"I've just realized that I've lost my watch."

Leonard frowned, turned around. "Uh...what? You never lose your watch! You never lose anything!"

"Evidently, this time, I di-"

"And even if you did lose your watch, you would've concocted some wild plan to spy on someone else's watch before asking me!"

"I tried."

Leonard glanced at the shelf where his watch used to be. It was bare. He looked at the floor. Beside a pair of giant tweezers lay his watch, evidently dropped, and now obviously broken.

"Aw, Sheldon!"

"Well, it wasn't an original Spider-Man watch anyway, so you really shouldn't be too sad. Now, will you find me my watch?

"No! You just broke mine! My mother gave it to me, when I was five. It was the last nice gift she gave to me. At six I got a harmonica. At seven, a jumper. At eight, trains."

"Oh, trains! You don't know how lucky you are!"

Leonard only glared at him. "Will you leave me alone!"

"No. Time is one of the four most essential parts of life. I cannot live without it. It may not be that so called fourth dimension. That's poppycock. But, it is still instrumental to life. How could ancient Greek astronomers have charted the heavens on lazy summer nights, if not for time? How could-"

"Alright! Alright, I'll help you. How?"

"That's great! I was thinking we could snoop around the university first. Let's go. Bring your keys."

"Sheldon! It's already 8! It's _closed._"

"Bring your lockpicking kit then. Leonard, stop stating the obvious."

"I won't."

"Don't tell me you won't even pick a lock! Come on, it can be a challenge! To stimulate your little mind."

"It's against the law, Sheldon."

"I've already opened the door for you. Social protocol dictates you should go through it, instead of making me wait."

"You are insufferable."

But Leonard grabbed his keys and kit anyway and headed down.

Sheldon emerged from the car with a black motorcycle jacket and a black stocking over his head .

"What are you doing?" Leonard hissed. "I thought that was only for fun!"

"Yes," Sheldon whispered back. "This is fun."

Leonard only stared at him, mouth agape.

"Why are you staring at me, with your mouth agape? I'm sorry, but that's weird. Let's go!"

Sheldon tiptoed to the back door while Leonard trudged behind.

"Don't! Don't knock the door, Sheldon."

"Oh yes. I forgot. It's your fault for being slow."

"My what!" Leonard sighed and breathed in deeply. "Alright, I'm opening the door now."

He set up his equipment and started listening for the right clicks. Two minutes passed.

"Leonard, this is a very simple lock. We're gonna get caught soon."

"Why don 't you do it then!"

"I didn't take thief classes at the Learning Annex. You did."

Another two minutes passed.

"You didn't think to bring explosives, did you?" said Sheldon.

"No...I'm really sorry Sheldon...I don't think I can open the door."

Sheldon pouted. "That's a shame. I suppose we'll have to go back now."

"Wait a minute! Wait a minute! You aren't going to try?"

"_Sheldon_ doesn't need to perform the demeaning tasks petty thieves perform."

"I was doing it for you!"

"I've had an eureka! moment. I don't think my watch is here any more."

"Are you mad?"

"Not in the least. And my watch is at Penny's."

"Of all places!" He paused. "How did you even leave it there?"

"Just this morning I went over to ask her to drive me to work. I had suddenly realized that I'd been too hard on you, Leonard. Even though you and Penny live in almost equal proximity to myself, you've always been the one to drive me. The Roommate Agreement had to be changed in the face of this pressing social concern-"

"Wait, I was the one who drove you today!"

"Patience, Leonard. In any case, I went over to Penny's and knocked. Thrice, as per usual. She didn't answer, much to my surprise. So I opened the door, which was unlocked, another surprise, and walked into her room. She was passed out on her bed, and the room stank of alcohol. A bad night, perhaps? I tried shaking her."

"Really, Sheldon? At this point, you still wanted her to drive you."

"When I make a decision, you know I don't change my mind easily! And I knew that once she was awake and past her anger, she would be back to normal. Doesn't it seem like that with her? Anyway, I then decided to pour cold water on her face. That was my dear sister's favorite trick with me. _That_ was when I took my watch off and put it in a drawer so it wouldn't get wet! So, I poured water on her face, after which she woke up, yelled obscenities at me, threw an empty bottle at me, squeezed out the water in her hair on my feet, and then went back to sleep. Stop laughing Leonard! I was very surprised. I still am!"

"Haven't you learned anything, Sheldon? You don't do that to Penny! You don't do that to anyone!"

"I did it to you once and successfully got you to drive me to work."

"Rest assured it won't happen again." Leonard couldn't stop laughing. "Ok, we should head back now. But I'm not going in there with you!"

Back at their apartment, Leonard grinned and motioned towards Penny's door. "Go on."

"Betrayer."

"Maybe I should follow you and film it. You know, my Youtube channel has about a thousand followers! They're hungry for an update!"

"You stink. I'm not letting you borrow my comics any more!"

Sheldon slammed the door and walked over.

"Penny? Penny? Penny?"

No answer.

"Penny?"

Not even a hint of a footstep.

"I'm s-s-sorry?" he tried.

The door flew open.

"For this morning? I gladly accept!" beamed Penny.

"Oh thank goodness that got you to open the door."

Sheldon stalked in. "What I really came here for was my watch."

"You're definitely not getting it with that kind of attitude."

"Oh please. Do you really want me to beg and grovel? Don't be childish."

"Hm, actually, yes! That'd be, how should I put it, oh yeah, satisfactory."

"It's ridiculous. I'm just going to get it now."

"NO!" Penny practically leaped in front of Sheldon to guard her bedroom door. "There is no way you're getting in here. Absolutely none."

"Why not?"

"Because that'd mean you get your way. Which would add to your ginormous ego. Which would be bad."

They were almost nose to nose now. He could smell her freshly washed hair, emanating waves of strawberry sweetness. It was artificial of course, but that didn't detract from the effect...

"I need my watch, Penny."

"You're not getting it this way."

He could feel the heat building in his chest, up his neck.

"Fine. _Please_ allow me to enter? I won't do it again. I will continue my current regime of social inequity."

"What?"

"Oh for Christ's sake, I'm sorry."

"Much better," she smiled and moved to the side.

Sheldon brushed past her and walked to the drawer. His heart began to stop beating so fast. _Whew_, he thought to himself_, what was that?_

"Whoa whoa whoa what are you doing!"

Too late, Sheldon had already opened it. His cheeks flushed a bright pink.

"HOW COULD YOU OPEN MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh mother would kill me!"

"YOUR MOTHER! YOUR MOTHER! I WOULD KILL YOU MYSELF!"

His cheeks deepened to a ripe magenta color.

"Please don't do anything to me. I didn't do it on purpose..."

"NO ONE HAS SEEN THAT BEFORE. IT'S PRIVATE! OR IT WAS PRIVATE! THIS...THIS IS AN INVASION!"

Sheldon winced and quickly grabbed his watch.

"YOU EVEN DARE TO STICK YOUR HAND IN! BOY, HAVE I UNDERESTIMATED YOU!"

Sheldon hurried over and grabbed her hands. "You're starting to sound like Howard's mom. I'm really sorry. I'll bring some lozenges over tomorrow."

"EXCUSE ME! *Ahem* And why are you so HOT? Do you have a FEVER? Is that why you're acting CRAZY?"

By this time, Sheldon had already left her apartment, moving with a speed never seen before. Safe in his own apartment, he slammed the door behind him and locked it twice. Leonard was sitting in his spot and smiling hugely.

"I heard loud noises! How'd it go?"

Sheldon coughed.

"As planned. Good night, Leonard."

Sheldon brushed his teeth to the sound of Leonard still snickering outside. Back in his bed, he gazed at his watch with its glow-in-the-dark hands.

"Why did I go through all that for you? And really, why am I so hot?"


End file.
